It can be a dry subject, so it doesn’t hurt to have a look at some drug and alcohol testing funny stories from time to time. Credit Max van den Oetelaar and Reuben Rohard

Drug and alcohol testing is no laughing matter… Or is it?

We understand that drug and alcohol testing can be a pretty dry subject for some people, so for our last post before Christmas we thought it best to try to add a little humour to an otherwise serious subject. So here is a humourous look at some drug and alcohol testing fails and other interesting – and hopefully funny – news from over the years.

Christmas Parade

A man driving a float in a Christmas Parade in the US was charged with drink driving and other more serious offences when he tried to evade police while still driving the float with everyone on board.

It all started reasonably well, with the float of dancing children and adults slowly driving in line down the main street. But it all turned to… well, you know what… when the driver of the float passed the next float in line. He then sped down the main street, with police giving chase after one of the adults on the float phoned 911. It all ended nearly five kilometres down the track, with thankfully nobody hurt.

Do you want any weed with those fries?

People in Ontario, Canada, can now order marijuana on Uber Eats. Yes, that’s right, they can order weed online!

The move is not entirely surprising because marijuana use is legal in Canada. It’s hoped the move will help to combat illegal suppliers, who still dominate the market.

Oh, one qualification. You will need to pick up your weed because it is illegal to deliver it.

What’s your excuse?

Okay, these drug testing fail excuses are unverified and may not be 100% true, but they did come from the US’s National Drug Screening website, so have some credibility:

  • When asked why they had failed a drug test, one person blamed his dentist because he may have “slipped a little something extra to help me with the pain”. It’s highly unlikely the dentist gave the patient heroin, however.
  • Another person, when questioned why they had tested positive for cocaine, replied: “My mom asked me to get some sugar out of the cupboard and taste it to make sure it didn’t go bad. But that is the only thing I can think of…”
  • Not to be outdone, our final example was asked to elaborate on why they had tested to opiates, meth and cannabis. His reply? “Well, I probably shouldn’t have used that guy’s pee. He is really messed up!”

A tiger of a tale

There are some things, like the Christmas Parade incident, that could probably only happen in the US. And there are some things that could perhaps only happen in Russia.

In this tale, pardon the pun, an animal keeper in a Russian circus got drunk and decided to go for a walk through the local shopping mall with one of the circus tigers. He managed to get quite a way before police officers stopped him. We presume they escorted the pair back to the circus to take care of the tiger before taking the keeper to the police station!

The mail must get through…

A man who delivered post for the British Royal Mail one day decided to get drunk rather than deliver all his mail. Thinking he would catch up the next day, he took the undelivered mail home. Unfortunately, it seems this behaviour became a reoccurring pattern and he ended up with 31,000 pieces of mail in and around his home.

British Royal Mail eventually put the man under observation (it obviously took them a while to twig!) and they found that one day he started his job at Noon and finished at 2pm. It cost them £1,530 to sort and deliver the parcels, and just a little bit late!


It can be a dry subject, so it doesn’t hurt to have a look at some drug and alcohol testing funny stories from time to time. Credit Max van den Oetelaar and Reuben Rohard

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Michael is the founder of Integrity Sampling and is responsible for overseeing all national operations. He is based at Integrity Sampling's head office in Thomastown and is also responsible for the co-ordination of drug and alcohol testing within Victoria, assisting in the implementation of drug and alcohol (fit for work) policies and the presentation of drug and alcohol education and awareness programs. You can connect with Michael Wheeldon on LinkedIn

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